OP Works in Retail

[greenportal]

Title: OP Works in Retail

Fandom: Original Universe

Word Count: 1234

Warnings: Animal cruelty

     There was once an old wizard who lived in a stone tower near a lake, far from any town. Despite his reclusive nature, he was a kind and generous man. Anyone who needed small spells or charms knew to go to him. Stories about his powers spread, until one day he was visited by a lord from a distant land.

     “Listen to me!” the lord said before the wizard could speak, “I am Wymond Morris, Lord of the manor of Riversbane! I have heard you have a talent for magic, so you will fulfill my request! I demand a spell that will turn me into a ferocious grizzly bear, like the one on my family coat of arms!” He gestured to his horse, which was wearing the coat of arms on its caparison, as well as gold-studded tack.

 

     The wizard ran his fingers through his wiry beard. “Hmm. A spell like that would take a lot of work. I’ll need a week or two to test it for problems. And of course the ingredients will be quite expensive, you would have to pay at least five gold for my services.”

 

     “A week? Five gold?” the lord bellowed, “You aren’t listening! I am the Wymond Morris, Lord of the manor of Riversbane! I can’t sit around and wait for a week! You will have it done by tomorrow! And you should be honored that I took the time to come here, therefore you will do it for free!”

 

     The wizard—who was starting to feel sick from smelling the lord’s breath as he yelled—grumbled. “Very well. I’ll see what I can do.”

 

     The next day the lord returned to the tower. The wizard offered him a magic wand, made of ebony and with a polished amethyst on its tip.

 

     “I haven’t had a chance to test it yet,” the wizard said, “but I have made others that are similar. The magic will read your heart and transform you when you point the stone to the sky and focus your mind on the image of a bear. You will turn back to a human after one hour.”

 

     “Purple? Hmph. Blue would have been better,” was the only thing the lord said before he left. He climbed onto his horse and started his long journey back home.

 

     After a few hours of riding he happened across two children who were playing in the road. He kicked the horse to a quick gallop.

 

     “Move or I’ll run you both over!” the lord yelled.

 

     The children tried to run, but the younger boy tripped on his crutch and fell to the ground. The horse skidded to a stop, afraid of stepping on the moving child.

 

     The lord jumped down from the horse and stood over them, grinding his teeth. “How dare you brats get in my way! I’ll teach you not to play in the street! Behold!”

 

     The lord pulled the magic wand from his belt and held it in the air. There was a bright flash of light, and he transformed into a small, fluffy rabbit.

 

     The children squealed and petted him and offered him a wild carrot. The lord sat and glared at them until they got bored and moved on. When the spell ended, he got back on his horse and returned to the wizard’s tower.

 

     “You worthless old man!” the lord said, “This isn’t the spell that I asked for! I told you I wanted to transform into a bear! I demand that you fix this wand immediately!”

 

     “I’ve never had a wand fail before. Are you sure you performed the spell correctly?”

 

     “I am sure! I’ll be back tomorrow morning and it better be fixed!”

 

     When the lord returned the next day he didn’t say anything to the wizard. He simply snatched the wand out of his hands and rode off again.

 

     After a day of riding he came across two peasant farmers. They had been taking cabbages into town to sell, but a wheel had broken on their small, wooden cart. Now it was lying sideways across the road, along with the pile of their produce.

 

     “Move your cart!” said the lord, “How dare you block the road!”

 

     “We are trying, sir!” said the father.

 

     “We apologize!” said his son.

 

     “I didn’t ask for an apology! I asked you to move!” He jumped down from his horse and grabbed the magic wand. “I’ll teach you not to disobey orders!”

 

     He raised the wand, and in a flash of light he transformed into a donkey.

 

     The peasants laughed and pulled at his ears. They gathered their cabbages and loaded them onto the donkey’s back. With his assistance they finally reached the market. By the time the lord returned to the spot on the road where he had left his horse, the spell had worn off and he was boiling mad. He rode back to the wizard’s tower.

 

     “You imbecile! The lord said, “This wand is broken! I told you twice now to give me a spell for a grizzly bear! Why won’t you listen?”

 

     The wizard yawned. The lord had woken him up before sunrise. “If I had a few nights to gather ingredients, I could reinforce the-”

 

     “No! I want it done now! I’m not staying another night in that miserable inn down the road! I’ll be back after noon and it had better be ready!”

 

     When the lord returned, the wizard was waiting for him.

 

     “I’ve done everything I could, and I can assure you the wand is working now.”

 

     “It better be!” the lord said as he took it and left again.

 

     After a week of riding he was back to his homeland. As he approached the bridge to town he came across an old man, who was known to be a hermit that lived in a cave nearby.

 

     “You there! Bow to the lord of Riversbane!”

 

     “Bah,” said the hermit as he kept walking.

 

     “What? You ignore me? I told you to bow to your lord of Riversbane!”

 

     “You aren’t my lord!” the hermit said, “I’ve lived on this land far longer than your castle has stood! You’re just some intruder building your ugly buildings! If anything, you should be the one bowing to me!”

 

     The lord jumped down from his horse. “How dare you speak to me like that! I’ll teach you to show some respect!”

 

     He held up the wand, and with a flash he transformed into a pig.

 

     The hermit laughed until he had a coughing fit. He poked the pig’s snout and threw a handful of mud in the pig’s face. Long after the hermit had left, the lord stood there snarling and stomping his hooves on the ground.

 

     When the spell ended, the lord climbed back on his horse and rode to the wizard’s tower without any rest. When they reached the wizard’s door, the horse was thoroughly exhausted. It collapsed in the garden.

 

     The lord kicked open the sturdy door. “You idiot! You charlatan! You sluggard! You useless fool! You mound of cow manure! How are you this incompetent? A child could have made this spell just as I had asked! So why does your magic have such trouble turning me into a bear?”

 

     The wizard stood up from his desk. “Lord Morris, at this point I would say that the magic is not the problem. The fact is, you are simply unbearable.”